Walking on Water by Nick Corble
Walking
on Water, subtitled 'Exploring the
Arteries of England', describes a trip down the spine of the UK's
inland waterways.
It was
written to record the author's wish to re-discover the simple joys of
travel and perhaps learn more about his own country as he did so moving
at a sedate 4 m.p.h.
Before
setting out Nick was a complete canal-innocent. Much of the joy of the
book comes from learning along with the author more about the canals,
their history and how to move through them without major mishap (well
almost!).
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Fired
by memories of a canal holiday when younger, and inspired by a desire
to rediscover the true values in life, Nick Corble, in a moment of
calculated madness, acquires a rather battered but much loved canal
boat called Florrie.
With a
free summer stretching before him, Nick, aided by a rotation of very
different crews, embarks upon what becomes nicknamed the Grand Trek
South, a marathon journey through the canal systems of England.
Ever
enthusiastic, Nick recounts the numerous highlights - and a few low
points - of his memorable and highly eventful trip with relish. His
observations as he passes through the arteries of England, as well as
his descriptions of the personalities he meets along the way, offer an
infectious mix of humour and vitality spiced with sometimes surprising
honesty.
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And if you really want to know what happens in Runcorn on
Saturday night, you're just going to have to buy the book!
Talking of which ...
"For
my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's
sake.
The great affair is to move."
Robert
Louis Stevenson, Travels with a Donkey
The Debenhams Effect - from Chapter 6: "Devil Worship,
Isolation and Celebration"
Having
feasted our eyes, it was the turn of our stomachs, and as we didn't
fancy either fish and chips or a kebab, which seemed to be all that was
on offer on the High Street, we entered the ubiquitous shopping mall
and a Debenhams in-store restaurant. Thus, in a single stroke, we
destroyed any opportunity of happening upon any regional delicacy.
Inside the controlled atmosphere we both went quiet, not so much with
contemplation of our recent visit to the cathedral but with tiredness.
Gradually conversation dissolved into yawns, which as night turns to
day would have moved on to sleep. We had to get out. So, having
naturally taken advantage of the facilities, we went on our way. This
phenomenon of sudden somnolence henceforth became known as the
Debenhams effect.
Return
The Dog's
Bollocks - from Chapter 17: "The Dog's
Bollocks"
ON ASKING FOR A QUOTE
FOR A PAINT JOB AT STREETHAY WHARF:
‘You’ve got two
options with boats this age’, he
recommended, ‘the Cat’s Whiskers or the Dog’s Bollocks.’
Annette and I stole a glance at each other,
uncertain
how to grade these choices. ‘You either strip her
right down, prime her and put
gloss on top, or you get one of those machines over there,’ he nodded
towards a
collection of assorted industrial hardware which seemed to include
everything
from sanders through to crushers, ‘attack the worst rust spots’, and
with this
point he rubbed vigorously with the flat of his hand along one of
Florrie’s flanks, ‘and give her a good
seeing to.’ This seemed reasonable
enough we agreed, giving him a chance to pause for breath.
‘Let’s face it, he added, ‘she’s what, twenty
five year old. The rust’ll always come back, the only issue is how long
will it
take?’
‘Can you give us any ballpark idea of cost?’, I
asked,
innocently.
He
sucked his teeth in best builder-asked-for-an-estimate
mode and pulled a face. ‘Oh, around
forty pound a foot.’ We nodded sagely,
this was in line with other estimates we’d been given, if anything
slightly better,
and we told him we’d think about it. As
time was getting on, we asked if there was any chance of an overnight
mooring
and thinking there probably was, Ray disappeared in a whirlwind to
check his
records to see who was away.
‘Was that forty
quid a foot for the Cat’s Whiskers or
the Dog’s Bollocks?’ Annette asked.
Return
Had by the balls - from Chapter 15: "Surprises and Disappointments"
While
waiting for Annette to emerge from the shop my attention was
drawn to a metal ring in the courtyard. It had a diameter of three or
four inches and was made out of metal about an inch thick. It looked
uncannily like a mooring ring. I was about to go up and read the
caption above it when an elderly woman sitting next to me asked her
husband to check it out.
'It's where they used to tie up their balls', he
shouted across the yard.
A silence descended. I paused to consider the
implications of what I'd just heard. In the name of God, why? Was this
the antidote to the rural idyll the museum had been projecting up? Were
the estate workers little more than slaves, punished with cruel and
humiliating torture for the slightest misdemeanour? It was only after a
few seconds similar reflection that I realised he meant bulls, not
balls. The relief was palpable. Despite this realisation however my
gait was sufficiently awkward after we set off to excite comment from
Annette.
Return
'Gongoozlers'
from Chapter 4: Mad Cows and Englishmen
By the time I looked up I noticed that the F-in-L was apparently giving
a lecture to a group of around twenty fully kitted-up walkers, showing
them what he was doing and why. This breed has its own name on the
canal, being known as gongoozlers, although the origin of this name is
unknown. Its Tolkien-esque phrasing however suggests gypsy roots.
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Did you know
...
Every year:
-
10 million people visit the UK's canals
and rivers
-
25,000 boats cruise the UK waterways
network
-
150,000 people take a boating holiday on
the canals
-
250,000 people visit the Canal Museum at
Stoke Bruerne, one of three similar museums in the UK
-
150 million visits are made to UK canals
and rivers
-
Expenditure related to visits to UK
waterways exceeds £1 billion
-
THAT THERE ARE MORE MILES OF CANAL
CURRENTLY BEING REOPENED PER YEAR THAN WERE BUILT DURING THEIR HEYDAY
TWO HUNDRED YEARS AGO!
The interest in canals and boating holidays is massive and
growing.
In 1998:
The Government recognised the resurgent
interest in the canals by launching a policy paper on their future. The
aim is to create a National Trust like body to protect and cherish them.
In June 2000:
A major new government publication
'Waterways for Tomorrow'set out an exciting future for the waterways.
THE FUTURE IS WET!!
nick@catalystcc.co.uk